And then it hit me...

I don't even know where to begin. The other day as I stood looking down at Sammy, so small sitting in his big hospital bed I felt my face crumble as my tears began pouring down my face. Sammy looked up at me and said "Daddy, I've never seen you cry." In ten years of fatherhood I've had more reasons to cry for joy than sadness or fear. I cried for joy at the birth of each of my children which they wouldn't have witnessed. I've had very few reasons to cry in front of my children in sadness or fear up until last week. I tend to be the funny laughing dad telling jokes or tickling everyone. Or I'm the gruff, "Go to bed now! (or your life expectancy will diminish rapidly)" dad. I lost my own father to leukemia when I was 23. I lost a dear friend of the family and both my fathers parents before I turned thirty. I spent the '90s crying in sadness, but I've lived a very blessed decade these last ten years, where my children haven't seen me cry up until now. I've spent a decade without reasons to cry. I've made up for it this last week and I expect my family and I will spend a bit of time crying with each other and comforting one another. All the support of my friends and family and your personal emails of your journeys bring tears to my eyes as I feel your love and prayers wash over me. I believe Sammy will see this through to a complete healing with all the love and prayers surrounding him. I will renew my strength with all your love surrounding me and my family. I thank you in advance for all the support we will receive during this trying year. I gain strength from Gregg Braden's teachings about prayer being a feeling towards creating the blessings we seek. I feel Sammy already healed. I feel him up and running, playing and laughing in our world at home surrounded by his family and friends who love him dearly and seek his presence returned for good in complete health.