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Sunday, June 17, 2012

And then it hit me...

I don't even know where to begin. The other day as I stood looking down at Sammy, so small sitting in his big hospital bed I felt my face crumble as my tears began pouring down my face. Sammy looked up at me and said "Daddy, I've never seen you cry." In ten years of fatherhood I've had more reasons to cry for joy than sadness or fear. I cried for joy at the birth of each of my children which they wouldn't have witnessed. I've had very few reasons to cry in front of my children in sadness or fear up until last week. I tend to be the funny laughing dad telling jokes or tickling everyone. Or I'm the gruff, "Go to bed now! (or your life expectancy will diminish rapidly)" dad. I lost my own father to leukemia when I was 23. I lost a dear friend of the family and both my fathers parents before I turned thirty. I spent the '90s crying in sadness, but I've lived a very blessed decade these last ten years, where my children haven't seen me cry up until now. I've spent a decade without reasons to cry. I've made up for it this last week and I expect my family and I will spend a bit of time crying with each other and comforting one another. All the support of my friends and family and your personal emails of your journeys bring tears to my eyes as I feel your love and prayers wash over me. I believe Sammy will see this through to a complete healing with all the love and prayers surrounding him. I will renew my strength with all your love surrounding me and my family. I thank you in advance for all the support we will receive during this trying year. I gain strength from Gregg Braden's teachings about prayer being a feeling towards creating the blessings we seek. I feel Sammy already healed. I feel him up and running, playing and laughing in our world at home surrounded by his family and friends who love him dearly and seek his presence returned for good in complete health.

11 comments:

  1. Mike, you know my hearts with all of you. I now have to go out and get some type of super hero costume so I can take a picture of it and send it to Sam. It's been a very long time since I've worn a costume. Thank you for sharing your journey Sam will indeed be mentioned here in Kingston, PA as he was mentioned in Scotch Plains, NJ this past weekend.

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  2. Beautifully said. Hugs to you all.

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  3. Sending you all a big hug!
    Sharon Sobel

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  4. Already healed. I love you, I love Phyllis and I love your whole family. You'll get though this. Already healed. Already healed...

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  5. And you will have those tears of joy when Sammy is completely healed.

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  6. Nothing I feel as I read this could be expressed in words. Just know that I am thinking of you and wishing I could be there. Hugs to you, Phyl, Sammy and the rest of your family.
    Karen

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  7. Stop or you're going to make me cry.

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  8. Read your words, cried with you and then visioned receiving Sam's Bar Mitzvah invitation and smiled a little. BTW Phyllis did an amazing job on the invite! Hugs to all of you.

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  9. I just got caught up on all of the posts - my heart hurts!! I am sending humble prayers your way!!
    Please- please let us know if we can do anything to help!!
    Turning fear into faith is hard when we are in the thick of it! Thank you for showing us how it's done!!
    From all of the Ciocchettis!! (keep an eye out for super hero pics!!)

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  10. I think Sammy needs to see his daddy's tears because they are so real and reflect what Sammy himself is feeling. He needs sad daddy as well as happy daddy and playful daddy. My prayers are with you and Sam and your whole family, Rabbi Michael.

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