Eventful: day -8

I have gone back and forth with myself about sharing what happened today but I decided that it was a good thing to do. I have met so many "cancer parents" who share the same fear that I have -- a fear that in some way I, the caregiver, the parent, the person-who-takes-care-of-a-sick-kid, would be in some way incapacitated. It's a very real fear.

This morning, it's not clear why, I blacked out for a few moments and hit the floor.

I'm fine.

But I awoke a few moments later and found myself in a pool of blood, pouring from my nose.
Which hurt. A lot.

Sam was asleep and I didn't know what to do. I shook myself and rang for the nurse (after first contemplating how I would clean it all up myself) and she, along with an entire team, helped to take care of ME. Sam was due in radiation for his first treatment. He slept through most of the bloody mess but woke up in time to hear the conversation in which we discussed how the nurse could take him to radiation so the crisis team could take me to the ER. Yes, me. To the Children's Hospital ER. Oy vey. 

To make a long story short, they determined that I was dehydrated and had low blood pressure, there were no external causes. After a full bolus of fluids (by IV no less) and a can of sprite, I was released back to Sam's room. In between I called up to the HOT Unit to check on Sam. Of course, he was FINE. The nurses and doctors in the ER were fantastic, some of them had already treated Sam so I knew them. (Oh, and they aren't sure if my nose is broken or not. But I left with ice...ow!)

All day, the staff on the HOT unit have been checking on ME. It's very sweet and kind and good. It was a huge fear of mine that something would happen to me (or Michael or any caregiver) while we were in the hospital. And you know what? We handled it. We managed it. I don't think Sam realized exactly what was going on and he totally handled going down to radiation without me.

I'm tired and bruised but I think I'll be fine. (Don't look too closely at my nose...)

And Sam was able to show me how radiation works -- because he was the expert when we got down there for his second treatment of the day. So there's that silver lining.

Here's what he looked like during radiation, rocking out to Adele singing Skyfall...

The beauty of staying across the street is that there can be short visits, long visits, partial visits...The kids came over for a short stay but David stayed through dinner while the other kids went back with Dad to eat. So far...so good.

Radiation has left Sam a with nausea and some jaw pain but so far he's handling it very well. He has to sit very still for about six minutes at a time for the radiation and they are very impressed with his ability to "play statue." They don't know what a great yogi my kid is!

A little music therapy and a walk to catch up with a regular hospital buddy rounded out our day....twelve laps after zofran, hydroxizine, dexamethazone, morphine and a blood transfusion....

Hopefully tomorrow will be less eventful.