Prettiest of Views

A week or so before Sammy died, I was in the car with another adult and a bunch of kids.
The "cups" song came on the radio.

You know the one....

When I'm gone, 
when I'm gone,
you're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

The other adult and I caught the words of this song, and we exchanged a glance.
We were both in tears.

When I'm gone

When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair
You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

This past weekend, we celebrated with our family and friends as David was called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah. It was a beautiful Shabbat, made even more beautiful by all of our loved ones who surrounded us. It was almost perfect, as I kept saying. Almost perfect.

Almost.

When I'm gone

When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my walk
You're gonna miss me talk, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

When Yael got up to read her part, and lead a song, 
I broke a little. Her sweet voice, leading the whole congregation. 

It was at that moment that I felt, so deeply, Sammy's absence.
Why wasn't he singing with her?

When Solomon and Yael shared the honor of opening the ark and they stood near David as he held the Torah, I couldn't help wondering where Sammy was. Why wasn't he up there with them?

I got my ticket for the long way round

The one with the prettiest of views
It's got mountains
It's got rivers
It's got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you

It was a most remarkable and wonderful weekend. We celebrated, we laughed, we cried, we danced. Oh, how we danced. My first-born was called to the Torah as a Jewish adult. A milestone worthy of great blessing and delight. Our family and friends came from near and far to help us celebrate....and to cry with us. I can't have been the only one in the room who felt, so keenly, Sam's absence. I know that we all could feel it. We wore turtles in his honor, and I kept touching the one that was around my neck. Our tears flowed, yet we tried not to mar David's honor.

The view was truly the prettiest.

It would have been even more so with our missing Sam. 

How tall would Sammy have been? I didn't add a turtle to this picture because we're all wearing them. 

342 days since his last quiet breath...

A year ago we were in Israel. 

And two years ago we visited the HOT unit with a feeling of triumph.

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We are honored to announce that an anonymous family foundation has agreed to a matching donation to the 36 Rabbis’ Campaign for the St Baldricks Foundation, to fund the research that will mean so much to families like ours. This foundation has offered $165,000 in a matched donation to any new and increased gifts to the 36Rabbis campaign. Once we reach our part ($165,000), theirs will kick in and the 36Rabbis’ Campaign will be at ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Please help us out? https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/660739/2014

*An increased gift is any additional gift from someone who has already given. I know so many of you have already donated, and I am so appreciative. Thank you.