Never an adult...

There's something about turning 18, isn't there? A whole new list of adult things you get to do, places you can go, responsbilities you have. You can sign your own permission slips! 

When a person turns 18, they think they're so old. And yet, the older I get, the more achingly young 18 seems to be.

And yet...it's the 10th time we're celebrating Sam's birthday without him.

Read that sentence again. The TENTH time. How can it be that we've done this ten times? 

I read back over my old posts and I think about each year, how I wrote that we were just baffled by how the time had gone by. This feeling never goes away. How did we get here? How can ten years have gone by? How can we be counting in the double digits?

And yet we are. And he is not here. 

I talk a lot about grief, and how it evolves. Like one of those trees that grows around something else, adapting to its environment - we've grown around the Sam-shaped hole in our lives. We've healed around it, stronger in some ways and weaker in others. We're never going to be an ordinary tree again. We're something new, something different. (Picture below for illustration because it made me think of Sam and our eye-bombing adventures.)

 And it breaks my heart that Sam isn't here to evolve with us.

Happy 18th, Sammy. We miss you every day of every week of every month. 

Solly is shaving this year, and maybe you'd like to make a donation?   https://www.stbaldricks.org/events/Mitzvah2023

2nd birthday: Best Shot Monday
3rd birthday: Birthday marathon
4th birthday: This is your birthday song
5th birthday: Five is a big number
6th birthday: Six is Awesome
7th birthday: Lucky Number Seven and Birthday Boy
8th birthday: Little Things
9th birthday: Birthdate
10th birthday: Just Not Okay
12th birthday: Dozen Donuts
13th birthday: I'm Sure
14th birthday: Because You Haven't Grown Up
15th birthday: Frozen

16th birthday: Sweet 16
17th Birthday: This isn't 17