Wednesday, November 13, 2013

520 Days Later

"Time is all we have. You may find one day that you have less than you think."  ~ Randy Pausch

We are so desperately heartbroken and filled with sadness.

Sam has relapsed.

His ninja leukemia is so very strong.
It has reared its head in his bone marrow and in some extramedullary spots on his jaw and head.

There is no cure.
There is no treatment.

Sam was scheduled for a routine bone marrow biopsy on Tuesday at 12:30pm.
Coincidentally (?) his labs that morning showed 1% blasts.
"We need to check his marrow," said the doctor.
"Hey, we're free today," I said. "How about 12:30pm?"

Biopsy completed.
A visit to the hospital dentist to determine why there was pain in his mouth.
A swollen spot in his gums.
"Leukemic infiltrate," the young dentist casually called it.
I madly googled that phrase while he was having another x-ray.
And then I texted Dr. M: "I'm guessing 'leukemic infiltrate' is not a good phrase to hear."
He was over at the dentist's office in a flash.

It's not good.
It's not good.
It's very very very bad.

I type this in the middle of the night.
I can't sleep.
I can't think about anything except what life will be like without our Sammy.

We have some options available to us that may or may not slow down the rate of leukemia.
The doctors don't know.
They are sad too. Terribly, horribly sad.

There is no cure.
There is nothing they can do to cure our boy.

520 days ago we were told "your son has cancer." 
I never thought I could feel more pain than that day. 
I was wrong.

He still feels well. We don't know how long that will last.
We're going to "suck the marrow out of life" as long as we can. Quite literally and figuratively.
Capitalize on his good days.
Fill them with joy and blessing and delight.
Stick his feet in the ocean and his head in the clouds.
Fill his days with wonder and love.

We have to tell Sam. Although we think he knows….he is wise.
We have to tell David and Yael.
These are the tasks that consume us today.
How do we deliver such darkness into their shiny happy world?
Love. We just remind them how much we love them. Over and over.

We might not answer your calls, your texts, your emails, your messages.
But thank you for them. They lift us up and hold us steady. Your presence means so much to us, even when we cannot even begin to acknowledge it. We feel our world holding us in a big heartfelt hug.

We might not update this blog. I don't know. Then again, we might update it all the time because it helps us to write and reflect and record and remember. There's no playbook and there's no manual. The world is bright and harsh-feeling, and we are all so very fragile. We can't answer your questions any better than we can answer them for Sam and Yael and David (and Solly, but luckily his questions are more like "why can't I have donuts every day for breakfast?") or even for ourselves.

Your support along this journey has been one of its most incredible blessings. We couldn't have made it this far without you. We will desperately need you as we go forward. From now on, Sam will lead us, he will tell us what he wants and we will try so hard to give it to him. From now on, we will hold on tightly to each moment, we will celebrate and we will play and we will laugh and we will create a lifetime's worth of memories and moments in the time that we have left.

We have no other choice.



184 comments:

  1. Oh, my heart. Oh, Phyllis and Michael, Sam, David, Yael, I am so sorry.

    My heart goes out to you tonight and I send love.

    Sammy, may you have good days to come, and joys, and love.

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  2. Thoughts and prayers, and more thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

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  3. Love, strength, compassion, prayers... trying to surround you with as much as we can.

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  4. There are no words, only tears and prayers.

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  5. So terribly sorry to hear this news. Sending you my deepest prayers.

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  6. I am so sorry for your pain. I know we don't know each other, but I have followed Sam's journey (and yours) via your blog. Sending love and hugs.

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  7. I have no words to express how deeply sorry I am. I will hold you Phyllis and Michael, your children, your entire family, in my heart and in my prayers. Whatever I can do, I will.

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  8. My heart and prayers are with you. Sending love and light from NYC.

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  9. Profound sadness. There is nothing else to say.
    Beth and Joel Engel

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  10. I am in tears for you, for Sam, for Michael, for your other kids, and for your parents. Saying "I love you all" seems so little--but love is all I have to send.

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  11. There are no words. There are many tears. But many many prayers!

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  12. Heartbroken for you. You all remain in my thoughts and my prayers.

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  13. Heartbroken to read this update. May you feel the love of all you have touched as you have written about this journey. May you all feel held as you take the next steps together as a family.

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  14. just tears - my heart is broken - sending you love -- and strength as you walk through the days

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  15. Oh, Phyllis... My heart is aching for you. We just met in LA last week, but I have been keeping you in my heart since I first heard about you and Superman Sam last year. When I met you, I could just tell that you are an amazing person and mother. Just know how much you are loved...

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  16. Prayers and love, to all of you.

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  17. Prayers, love, hugs and friendship are all I can offer... but as sad as I am for you and your family I hope there are some smiles as you go through this difficult time.

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  18. Sending every hug and much love we can find. With love and more Love, The Dickson Family.

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  19. My heart aches. You have our love as always.

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  20. I'm so heartbroken to read this. All of my love, all of my prayers go out to you, and to your whole family.

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  21. I have no words. Our hearts are breaking. We are holding you all in our prayers.

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  22. Profound sadness - you are all in our hearts and prayers.

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  23. Heart breaking for you and tears for you in Maryland. There is not a single moment Sam will not feel loved - know the love of his family, and hopefully, feel love from the world over.

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  24. We don't know each other but I am sending you all my best good thoughts.

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  25. No no no. :( :( :( I'm so, so sad along with you. Praying for all of you. <3

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  26. My heart is broken for you. I am speechless, filled with rage and sorrow.

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  27. My hear breaks for you and your family. My prayers are with you.

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  28. There are no words. I'm so very sorry.

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  29. I am so sorry to read this. We are connected by mutual friends, but do not know each other. My heart breaks for you and your family. Praying and wishing you all the strength you will need.

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  30. My deepest sympathies to you all. The helplessness you feel is the worst. I too am following this path with one I love. It is very hard and difficult to understand why. But all we can do is be there for our loved ones and help them as they walk this walk. May Gods blessings and strength be with you all. If there is anything I can do to help you, please call. You know where to find me.

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  31. Praying for you and your family. This is so heartbreaking to read and even think about. May Hashem give you all strength.

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  32. Weeping along with you, but sending the warmest hug I can offer... xoxo Audrey Pessin Jung

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  33. Oh my heart. I am heartbroken for you all and weeping with you. May Hashem bless you with peace, strength and love, may you know that He is always there, guiding you as you walk these terribly dark paths together. All the love and prayers I can offer.

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  34. Broke my heart to read this tonight - we are so very sorry. - Jenn & Dylan

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  35. Don't even know where to begin. This is the blog I never wanted to read. Hard to type. Too many tears. The loss of a child is almost unbearable. I feel so helpless. Deb and I are pulling out our last hope. We're praying that our Michael can do something on Sammy's behalf. That's all we've got. We love u and are here to help in anything you'd like from us.

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  36. Praying for you and your family. I am so sorry that this is all happening. You are all in my thoughts.

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  37. May you continue to have love surrounding you to help you find bottomless pools of strength to draw from. There are so many people praying for your beautiful family, I am just one of thousands. Sending you much love and strength.

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  38. I am so sorry. I pray for courage for all of you. There are no words to express my sadness at this news. Blessings to all of you.

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  39. Sending so much love and many many prayers from DC.

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  40. My heart aches for each of you. I cannot imagine your pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  41. So so sad to hear this news. Sending love and kisses from Baltimore. Deborah Gallant (Amy and Jon too)

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  42. My heart is aching...please know that you will continue to be in our prayers for health, strength, love and as many good days as possible. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING we can do. Sending hugs and lots of love!

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  43. We are unbelievably saddened by this news. Our thoughts and prayers are with the whole family. We are available to help with any of your needs.

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  44. My heart trembles and my prayers are for you.

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  45. My heart breaks for your family. My prayers are with your family. Prayers for fantastic memories and experiences as well for a miracle for Sam.

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  46. Mom and I love you all and you guys mean so much to us. We are so sad. You are in our prayers.

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  47. Phyllis, we don't know each other well, but I am sending love from New Jersey from a heavy heart. "And all around us, is Shechina." May you feel the Shechina surrounding your family.

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  48. I have followed your posts for a while, and I have been cheering for Sam and his family--I am so very sorry to read today's news. Thinking of you all, and wishing you strength--and as many joys as are possible in the hard days to come--

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  49. I can hardly see through my tears to type this note to all of you. I am sending xoxo from NYC along with my heartfelt wish (from my broken heart) that there was more that I could do.

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  50. I am so sorry to hear about this. Sam, may your days be filled to the brim with love, joy, and laughter. I know you will live each day to its fullest!

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  51. After reading each of your posts, I have thought about "commenting," but have never known what to say... You don't know me, but now I feel like I know you and your family... Especially Sam. Tonight, after reading this post, and struggling to hold back my tears, I looked over at my son wearing a Superman costume. Then I looked at my smartphone and saw the Superman S lodged in the top navigation bar because of an "app" that was updating. I took them as signs... Signs of what? I don't know... but I am hoping, praying, wishing for everything you are hoping, praying and wishing for... Words fail me...

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  52. I keep reading this post over and over again, in disbelief, hoping I'm reading it wrong. Although we haven't met, I've been following your story for a while and was overjoyed when the transplant looked like it has been successful. I'm storming heaven with my prayers for all of you.

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  53. I have no words for you other than this is, obviously, painfully unfair. know that my love and prayers and positive energy are headed your way…

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  54. Our home is crying for your home... and sending a multitude of blessings and much love your way.

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  55. My heart is breaking…I haven't met all of you but I feel I know you through your blog. I am sending peace and love to Sammy and all of you.

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  56. Sending you all my love and prayers, through my broken heart.

    Fran

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  57. Sam is forever in our hearts and prayers.

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  58. Our love, thoughts, prayers and tears are flowing for your family tonight. Wishing you as much joy as you can embrace, to hold the sadness at bay with each other, your family and friends.

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  59. So, so sorry to hear this.. I don't know what to say, but I am thinking and praying for your family.

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  60. We are sending our love and our prayers.

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  61. Through your journey we have gotten to see the love of a family through highs and lows. There are no words to express my sorrow for you . Love, Heidi

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  62. Though we've never met, I've followed your story every step of the way. Sending all my love and prayers through tears and a torn heart.

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  63. "They are sad too. Terribly, horribly sad."

    I was an intern at Children's Memorial Hospital almost forty years ago. I have so much respect for the pediatric oncologists who are so caring.

    Please know that Joy and I are crying with you and your family.

    David Grossmann

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  64. Adding my love and prayers to you and your family,

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  65. I have no words.
    May Hashem give all of you Koach.

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  66. My heart breaks for you and your family. You are all so brave and so wonderful. May God have plans for you all that we know are unknowable and unfathomable to us right now.

    Jerry Horn

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  67. We are so sad to hear SAMs news. No words can express our sorrow. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. All our love. The Cohen family. Michael, Pamela, Franki and Gabi.

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  68. Shedding tears for you and Superman Sam.

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  69. Strength will come and stay with you.
    Our prayers are with your whole family.

    Frank

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  70. really no words
    sending love, holding you all in my heart

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  71. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I found this link on Bradley's page. My heart goes out to your whole family. I have been extremely lucky that my children and grandchildren are, so far, happy and very healthy. Can only imagine the pain you are going through. I hope you all find peace and the strength to continue your journey. Rosemary

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  72. I do not know you personally but am a fellow HP'er with many mutual friends. I have read each and every one of your updates since the beginning and have prayed for Sam (I have my own Sam, who is 12). I am in tears reading this and will continue to pray for Superman Sam and your entire family. May you find strength and peace during this difficult, unfair time. <3

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  73. Our hearts are broken. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Betsy, Bryan, Jordyn and Gillian

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  74. I am so very sorry and so very sad reading this. I will pray you and for Sam and for your family. Please try to find as much joy and happiness in each other now.

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  75. "Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." May you all find happiness in every moment you have together now and always. My boys and I will keep you all in our prayers.

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  76. Sending prayers and love to all of you

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  77. wishing you every moment full of love.

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  78. Colleague to colleague; Mother to Mother. My heart aches for your beautiful family. Fill Sam's days with the love you already have and donuts whenever Solly wants. Sending love and prayers from New Jersey.

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  79. There are no words. I am just learning of Sam and your family today. You will be in my prayers.........

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  80. May kindness and love accompany you.

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  81. I cry for all of you. We've been there done that .Know that my love and prayers are with you.

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  82. I check in from time to time and am so very sad to hear about the news today. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will hold your family in my heart. I wish you as much joy as much life as much laughter as much everything as you can pack in to your family's days.

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  83. My heart is breaking with yours. I have no other words.

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  84. My heart goes out to all of you.
    Love and prayers...

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  85. Oh, no, so horrible.
    I have no words that can help.
    Just enjoy every moment you have of your wonderful son.
    May you know no more sorrow.

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  86. There are no words...we are thinking of you. The Weiss and Wainer family

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  87. Still, there is the Divine Healer, and there are miracles happening every day.
    I will hold the image of Sam, Healed, and wait upon His grace.

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  88. Superman Sam has been source of such strength and inspiration to me...All of you have. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you, maybe these days be filled with as much love as humanly possbile.

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  89. I didn't expect to hear this, neither than you.... I wished to Sammy to get better, to see him at the temple soon....
    I'm so sorry, I'm terrible sorry to hear, I don't wont to!
    I cannot answer the question why this little boy has to suffer so much? Why? He didn't do anything wrong, his soul is so pure!
    I ask you, God, please do a miracle and bring our Sammy back to health; please, o God, kill the leukemia!Sammy deserve this miracle as his family as well!
    I will pray and I'll expect the miracle to happen....

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  90. Oh Phyllis. No no no. Like Rachel said above, I read this twice thinking maybe the conclusion would be different. I'm sobbing.

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  91. Doctors are human and they make mistakes. I am davening hard (as are they, I'm sure) that they are wrong and that there is a cure, there will be a refuah for Sam.

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  92. Heartbroken. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

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  93. We have been where you have been. Do whatever your gut feeling tells you to do. Take pictures, video and enjoy adventures daily, even small ones. Sing, play and laugh and love deeply. Living in each moment fully present. You have our love and support. The parents of Heather Kornick.

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  94. There are simply no words. You don't know me, but I worked with Michael at NSCI and I have been inspired by your entire beautiful family through your blog. I am simply heartbroken today and wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

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  95. oh, no! thinking of you all from israel

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  96. I am so sorry to hear of the change in superman Sam ! I hope that Sam has many days of feeling well and you are able to build lots and lots of great days together as a family !

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  97. I know of your blog through Josh. I am devastated, although I've never met you. Please know that perfect strangers are praying for you and your family, and for a miracle for dear Sam.

    When I bake prosphora (communion bread for my church) will include you all in my prayers. One miracle has happened this way. I will pray for another....

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  98. My heart just aches for you all--I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this in this way. I know we all were praying for something more. I will hold Sammy and the whole family in the Light. Sending you strength and love for this dark time.

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  99. We have many friends in common (my husband Adam is an rabbi) so I have seen the re-postings of your blog on Facebook -- sending love and hope and prayers to each one of you.

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  100. My hears breaks for you! Still praying for Sammy to have a Refuah Shleima!

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  101. I am so sorry. Sam's personality has shone through these posts. He is an amazing little boy. We wish you joy and light and strength. Our thoughts are with you.

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  102. Phyllis, you were so kind to us during our first week on the HOT unit. Our hearts go out to you. Your journey has been so long and there are still so many questions. You have been an amazing leader and pillar of strength for your family, and for so many - many of whom do not even know you. Thank you for sharing your story, for sharing the halls, and for sharing your wisdom at this very personal and private time. HUGS to all of your children. Prayers for all of you. SAM, keep smiling. Thank you, Buddy!

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  103. My heart aches for your family. I am a friend of a friend and have followed your blog since the beginning. I wanted to thank you for sharing your story. Sam's spirit has inspired so many.

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  104. So sorry for you and your family. You are all truly amazing. God bless Sammy. He is in my prayers.

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  105. As your hearts break, mine does with yours. I truly have no words other than I am so very sorry. I hold you tight in my prayers, thoughts, and love.

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  106. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  107. I read this with a sinking heart. Love and light from NYC-you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Miriam

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  108. I do not know you or Sam, but I have friends who do, and I have been following this blog. Im so sorry to hear about the changes in Sam. You both have strong faith in H-shem and know that he is the ultimate healer. Its time for everyone to get together and storm the heavens with prayer for Shmuel Asher Uzziel. May he live and be well tell 120

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  109. We are so sorry to read this. Our hearts are breaking for you and we are holding you and your family close in our thoughts and prayers.
    Danny & Micol

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  110. I don't know you, but we have mutual rabbinic friends. My heart is broken into pieces reading this. All words fail. There is only sorrow and love.

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  111. I don't know you, but we have mutual rabbinic friends. My heart is broken into pieces reading this. All words fail. There is only sorrow and love.

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  112. There are no words. Like many here, I've been quietly following this blog, rooting for Sam. I was so inspired by his words to his cells in the day of transplant. At night, when we say Shema as a family, we will think about Sam and your family.

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  113. To start our day with these reflections puts the rest of our day, week and life in perspective. With a heavy heart, we are passing along all of the love and healing we are able.

    The Feldman Family

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  114. I am so sorry. My heart aches for you. I will continue to pray for Sam and your family. Sending love.

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  115. We've never met, but I am sending prayers & love your way. Enjoy what you can, children are so precious and much wiser than we know.

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  116. I am so sorry. Sending prayers and love your way.

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  117. I am heartbroken. Sending your family our prayers and love.

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  118. I do not know you personally but have been following your story from friends posting, and sending love and healing energy your way. I am not sure what roads you have been down, but if you have not explored the miracles of John of God, you may want to look into it. My heart goes out to you, and I will continue to pray for you and your family. Wishing you much love, peace, and laughter during the days ahead.

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  119. I'm one of many, many strangers who has been so moved by your words and your beautiful family. I will continue to send my prayers, my energy, and most of all my love to you. I'm so very sorry.

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  120. Phyllis, we haven't met, but I know you through a mutual friend, Kimberly. I spend a lot of time at Children's with my own daughter and one day as we were headed to our appointment at the Herma Heart Center, Kimberly texted me to look closely at the "M" in Herma. We found googly eyes! Another day, without the tip off, we found googly eyes on another sign. Now my daughter looks for them and talks about the time we found googly eyes every time we are there. Sam brings joy to people he hasn't even met. I know my family will always remember that. My heart is with you and your family.

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  121. Phyllis, you are so brave to have shared all of this with us. You have given us the gift of enabling us to help you bear this terrible burden. May you find many, many moments of joy with your superman sam as you face the days and weeks to come. Sending love and deep, abiding strength your way.

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  122. I am so sorry!

    I don´t know you, but I have been following your story and just want you to know that we are with you.
    Sending you love prayers and strenght,
    The Abramovich family

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  123. I am so sorry to hear this devastating news. You have been so strong for each other and Sam. I hope that through the pain you are all able to hold onto the memories you have created with him and know that you have done everything you could to fight this and to help him feel loved. You have given him the strength to be as accepting as he can and the ability to help guide you through the rest of his days, may they be longer than you fear. I send you one small part of the HUG I hope you continue to feel from us all.

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  124. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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  125. Phyllis and family,
    Our hearts go out to you as you continue your difficult journey. Know that so many love you.
    Julie, Mark, Allison and Evan Gerstein

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  126. I also haven't met all of you but I have been steadily reading your blog and praying for Sammy. Know that I am sending peace, strength and love to Sammy and all of you.

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  127. My heart breaks for you, Phyllis & Michael, & for Sam & your whole family. Like so many others, I'm sending so much love & strength during this inconceivably difficult time.

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  128. we are praying that you all find the strength to make some more beautiful memories with your amazing son and family.

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  129. I never say it enough, but you are everything to me. I love you all, with all my heart.

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  130. My heart breaks for you all. I've been following Sam's story since the beginning and feel connected to him. We say a prayer every night and frequently include Sam. We will be sure to keep you all in our thoughts and prayers.


    Mi Sheberach
    May the source of strength who blessed the ones before us. Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing, and let us say Amen.
    Bless those in need of healing with r’fu-a sh’lei-ma, The renewal of body, the renewal of spirit, and let us say Amen.

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  131. I only know you and your family as friends of a friend, but I am so, so, so sorry you have to go through this. I will be praying for Superman Sam and for your whole family.

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  132. My friend since we were his age. My heart breaks for you. Hugs.

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  133. Your blog has united many people across states and countries to offer prayer, support and friendship. May you feel all the love and comfort from people near and far, those you know dearly and those, like me, who you have never met. May Sam and your family create beautiful blessed memories and cherish each moment for as long as possible. I am beyond heartbroken for you and your family and know the strength you must hold onto as you course this next path. Our hearts unite to shine a light of comfort on your family.

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  134. I am so heart broken for all of you. Michael we've been there done this. My praryers and love are with you.

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  135. Our prayers and love are with you all. We wish for you all strength, bravery, love, moments of joy, moments of laughter and moments of peace as you embark on this heartbreaking and painful journey.

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  136. We love you all so much. We pray as hard as we can. Phyllis, thank you for having the courage to write your most recent post. When we see the strength that you and Michael and the boys exhibit, I know I can dig down deeper and pray even harder. We all are. We are sending you all of the love, prayers, light, joy and happiness possible. We love you. Linda and Elliott

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  137. Phyllis, I am so sad and sorry to read this. Sending you, Sam, and all of your family so much love and light. Big hugs to you, mama. XO, Amy

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  138. I am so, so sorry to read of this sad news of such an inspirational boy and family. May your time be lovely and warm and happy. Make many wonderful memories.

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  139. I do not know you or your boy but have a friend that is just starting this journey with her 13 yr old son and my heart goes out to you, You go through this hanging on to HOPE, dreaming of what will be when this is all over. I cant imagine the ending being the way you are having to deal with it. Dont ever give up though, new research, trials are coming out daily. Stay strong, my heart truely aches for you and your family, Thoughts and prayers and more importantly HOPE sent you way.

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  140. Hi Phyllis,
    I am so sorry and sad for you and your family. Please feel free to let me know if there is anything at all that I can do to help bring you any kind of comfort. Love, Becky

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  141. I can't find any words...always praying for you

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  142. I keep reading this, hoping that I've misunderstood or imagined something. Unfortunately is stays the same each time. I don't know you or your family well, but my heart is broken. I hope that in the coming months you find love, joy and peace.

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  143. Phyllis,

    My thoughts are with you and your family at this time. I am so very sorry for your family.

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  144. We pray that you'll wring every ounce of joy and togetherness out of the time you have with one another and find the strength and shalom to be fully present in the moment as much as possible.
    Pouring out our love and our hearts,
    Ari and Rachel

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  145. Though we've never met, I hold your family deep in my heart. Lots of tears, prayers, love and strength to all of you from Nashville.

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  146. Hoping and praying that the love that surrounds each of you will help you put one foot in front of the other as you continue on this journey. From what I have learned from all of you I know that you will find moments to smile and laugh through the tears as you hold your family close.

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  147. We don't know each other, but I am sending my prayers and love your way. If the amount of love on this blog (evidenced by yourself and the posts of others) could bring about a cure, surely Sam would be healthy this moment. I wish you all well and send my prayers. Thank you for sharing your story with us all.

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  148. We love reading your updates at the Ronald McDonald House, but this is so just so devastating to hear. We are all thinking of you right now and absolutely hoping for the best.

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  149. Amid all the tears, fears, devastation, and aggravation, I wanted to give something to your kids. Maybe not for now, but definitely for later. Some of the people reading here might not get it, but I think you will.

    Knock Knock.
    Who's There?
    Eggplant.
    Eggplant Who?
    Eggplant doesn't have a last name, silly.

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  150. Like so many others here, I don't know you personally but have been following Sam's story and think about him often. I am absolutely heartbroken for you today, but will remain hopeful nonetheless. Sending all my positive thoughts your way....

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  151. I read this on Brad Egels' FB wall and though we don't know one another, I have posted from time to time. I have read EVERY post a long this journey and I am heart broken for you. May G-d bless each moment you have together. May miracles happen and may we all recognize through your story the blessing of each day. Sending much love and prayers from Arizona.

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  152. Friends of the Sommer family....get this shirt in Sam's honor. Only a little over an hour left to purchase. Money goes to a fantastic charity.

    http://teespring.com/findingacure3

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  153. Like so many others, I do not know you, but your story and Sam's beautiful being have touched me deeply. My heart breaks with this news. I will continue to hold you in prayer and light.

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  154. I have just now found you through social media. I feel shamed... as though I could have helped some how, had I known sooner. Silly I know but I will be praying for you all, for Sam. Your story; your life, is one of Love, sadness, triumphs and defeats. I have been through this with a loved one myself and it is trying. I know you know. You are also blessed with something most are not. You are able to get to know your family; yourself much better and sooner with a closeness unavoidable. At times there may be/have been such stress and tension the arguing was unavoidable. Only with true love do you overcome and find the strength. I am sure I am all over the map here, as I have so much to say but my heart is so heavy. In short, may God bless your Sam and your family. May the love, strength, hope and faith sustain you through this trying and most difficult time. Sam is a remarkable boy and through this all, without even knowing, he is teaching you so much. Love and peace to you all now. Good night

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  156. Oh Phyllis, my heart is broken for all of you. There are no words, simply tears and prayers for all of you during this time.

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  158. We havent met either but sams cousin mina is my best friend and if you want an incredible kicka** photo of sam and mina email me at leahbasa@juno.com it probably will make sam laugh which is the least i can do. Also, tell sam about this guitarist also named sam who survived leukimia. Ok bye

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  159. This precious Neshama, may he enjoy every minute with you. We are learning from you and Sam, we are learning about life, how every second counts. Our prayers and hugs go out to you all.

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  160. Like many who have commented, I don't know you or your family. But, as a mother of an almost 8 year old, I'm am heartbroken to hear Sam's prognosis. Sending healing thoughts, some hugs & love to you from Marietta, GA

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  161. I am friends with the Jeffers family and found your blog via theirs. I had hoped that this Sammy would have a different outcome. Too many children are fighting this insidious disease. Sending hope for healing and strength from across the country.

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  162. Typing through my tears to send you every ounce of love I've got.

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  163. I'm taking challah today, and I will keep him in mind.

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  164. At times like these words fail us- so I pray that you will feel the warm embrace of the Shechina as you move through this difficult journey.

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  165. So sad, words fail me, I pray you have the support and strength for the time ahead, praying for Superman Sam..

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  166. All of our prayers, love, and support are with you. The Kleifield Family

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  167. Like so many others, I don't know you, but you and your family are in my thought and prayers. Love will lead your way every step as it has been doing. Thank you for opening your heart to us so that we can pray for you! ~ jodie

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  168. Reading this, my body went numb and I was frozen. Not believing the words I was reading. Saying "I'm sorry" feels so empty, and cannot fix anything. I am speechless, and completely heartbroken for your family. There are no words, only prayers.

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  169. Strength, hope, courage to you, Michael, David, Yael, Solly, and most importantly Sammy. Sammy has touched so many people in his short life. We are thinking of you all and praying for you. Sending you love.

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  170. Phyllis and Michael - We have been quietly reading and watching and listening for many months. I just want you to know that there is so much love coming your way from our hearts to yours. - Rachel and Jim

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  171. We prayed for all of you last night at Temple Beth-El San Antonio through our words, music and meditations.

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  172. Phyllis and Michael:

    I have been quietly following this blog for months now, checking in every couple of days to witness the highs and lows of the brave, brave Superman Sam. I came across this blog by accident, through a link leading to your wishes for superhero pictures, and bookmarked your blog so that I could send a picture. I didn't end up sending one, but I certainly ended up coming back more and more to see how well Sam was feeling day by day. The glimpse you have given me- a nineteen year old girl with no history of illness or battle with disease- into the struggles and times of happiness your family have given me a lot of strength. Although you have not known, I included Sam in my prayers, and cried with happiness the day he was able to come home.

    But now I am for the same reason you are. I cannot imagine your pain. I have fallen in love with your family, whose ability to remain strong in times of adversity has helped me in my own life. And although I have never met him, I love Sam very much, and am incredibly touched by his inspiration every day.

    Although the days to come can not be easy, I know you will manage to coming days with God's absolute love. I continue to pray for Sam, who is still my favorite superhero.

    Love Always,
    Meg ♡

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  173. My heart goes out to you…I admire your strength, willingness to share, and kindness. Sam is so brave and inspirational--a hero indeed! May you find peace in your travels and capture every moment.
    With Loving Thoughts,
    Lori, Chloe, & Glennie

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  174. Like many others, I have never met you, but now that I have found you, you will have my and my family's daily prayers. The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you, the Lord lift up His countenance to you and give you peace

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  175. You don’t know me, but I wanted you to know that my church had a prayer service of healing yesterday morning, and we lifted Sam and your entire family up to God in prayer. We will continue to pour out prayer over your family, because that is what we are supposed to do--intercede on your behalf when you've already said all you know how to say to God. The outpouring that I have seen from the online community is tremendous, but if you should ever have a day when you feel like people have forgotten what you are going through, just know that there is a group of us in Raytown, Missouri, praying for you all, lifting you up, and asking God to wrap you in his loving embrace.

    Leah Scott

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