Monday, February 27, 2017


Do they know that each time I hug them, I'm really giving two hugs?
Do thy know that each time I give in to a request, I'm really thinking of Sam? 
Do they know that when I decide what "matters," it's mostly based on one missing face?

Sometimes, I think that Solly is forgetting.

He was so little, so young. The new memories are crowding out the old ones. He's in kindergarten now, there's so knowledge, new ideas, new experiences -- is this how we forget the younger years because our memories just fill up with so many new things that we just can't keep the tiny wispy baby memories ahead of them?

The other day, I started to realize that he might be forgetting. He barely talks about Sam any more, not the way he did right after he died.

And then just yesterday, he brought him up. Almost as though he realized it too, just as I did.
And then last night, when I was putting him to bed, he started to cry.

I miss Sammy. I want to see his face. When do we get to open the box in the cemetery? Do we ever get to open it up again? Do you think that there's a lot of plants growing there? Can we schedule a time to go there and see him? What does he look like now?

So we watched an old video of Sammy. We cried a little together.

Maybe you'll have a dream about him, I said.

Time keeps moving forward....without our Sam.

P.S. I'm shaving my head again:


  1. Thinking about you and your family... and Sam... so often I think of Sam.