Sunday, March 22, 2015

Older

When Sammy was 8 years and 35 days old, he died.

Now Yael is 8 years and 35 days old.

Everyone has gotten older.
David was always older, so his advancement in years didn't seem out of place.
Solly was always so much younger...

But Yael? Always the 15-months-younger little sister?
Tomorrow she will be older than Sammy was when he died.

I don't think that she is really aware of the moment that she surpassed her older brother. In some ways, it's every little sibling's dream, right? But when you think about how it actually can happen...it's certainly much more of a nightmare. I know that she misses him every day, that her world is so far from the way that she wishes it was....the dream of a little sister to catch up to her big brother is most definitely NOT what she wanted.

None of us did.

How many kids do you have?
Four.
How old are they?
13, 8, 8, and 4.
Twins?
Not exactly....

It never gets easier, does it?

464 days since Sammy died. One year, 3 months and 8 days.

One year ago....Yael wrote a book about Sam
Two years ago....we were planning a celebration
Three years ago....we had no idea that childhood cancer could crash into our lives

This is Sammy, 8 years and 35 days old



6 comments:

  1. "old," "older" don't seem quite the right words for such tiny numbers; Sam is still taking our measure, we're all trying to catch up

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  2. Heartbreaking and unfair. I hate this world we have been thrown into.

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  3. So sorry for your loss. Words are inadequate but we say them anyway.

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  4. Heartbreaking. Y'all are in my heart.

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