Selfies

I noticed Sam's iPad sitting on the shelf, so I decided to browse through his photo album. Along with many pictures of frogs and turtles that he's saved from emails and such, there were a few selfies.

I sent them to myself.
From Sam's email address.
Just so I could get an email from him.

Looking at pictures of Sam doesn't make me sad. Well, it doesn't make me any sadder than I already am. Sometimes it makes me a little bit happier, actually…to see his sweet little face.

It makes me happier when I think about the most famous of all Sam's selfies:

And this, which never fails to make me giggle:




Some things are easier than others.
Some things are just…difficult.

The things that seem like they should be simple become so much bigger.

I take a lot of pictures with my phone. I know many people who never take the pictures off their phones, but not me. Each month, I carefully file the pictures in a folder on my computer and I take them off my phone. It's just what I do.

But I haven't done it yet. I haven't taken November's or December's pictures off my phone.
I know that when I delete them, I will not be able to scroll back through the last two months of Sammy's life. The task grows a little in weight with each passing day, it seems. If I would just do it…it would be done. I could find ways to save pictures of Sammy to my phone each month. I can always call up this blog or my dropbox files. But each time I go to do it, something distracts me or I find a reason not to do it…I'll get there...

Twenty-two days have passed since Sam died.
When I said I wasn't counting…I lied.

The last selfie I took with Sammy…in Orlando