Monday, February 17, 2014

Taking Pictures

In the last 66 days, I have avoided taking pictures of the three kids.

I've taken a lot of pictures (not quite as many as usual, perhaps) -- pictures of Solly, or Solly and Yael, or Yael and David, or David and Yael...okay, you get the idea. Many configurations.

But no pictures where I intentionally put David, Yael and Solomon together and said, "smile for mama's camera." Until Sunday.

I wasn't sure how it would's not the first time I've taken a picture of these three without Sammy.
April, 2013
May, 2013 - visiting at the hospital
December, 2013 - at Disney World
And it's not the first time I've taken pictures of only three kids, obviously. Once upon a time, Solly was just a twinkle in our eyes....and we had three kids then.
December, 2008 - check out the pacifiers!
May, 2009
April, 2010 - on the Zoo Train in Milwaukee
But it was the first time since he died....and I know there will be so many more pictures. I'm not going to stop taking photos, of course. I can't. I wouldn't. I won't. It's not me.

But a tiny part of me wants to....and yet I know that's not the answer. I have to keep taking pictures, I have to keep letting life go on....

Those new pictures will always look a little empty to me, though.

Sammy is survived by his siblings, David, Yael, and Solomon.

Does it help if I do this...?
 Just a little. It really does.


  1. One very musical bereaved family have described their family choir as "the missing voice."

  2. I can see Sammy in all three of those beautiful faces, yet feel his absence in all of our broken little hearts. xoxo

  3. you have a beautiful family, with sammy in all your hearts. many hugs.

  4. The turtle does help, indeed. Hugs.

  5. Oh, that little turtle. My heart!

    Your children are beautiful. All of them.

  6. Yes, the turtle does help. Although it can never fill the hole in so many, many hearts, it does make for a sweet memory. xoxo from NYC.

  7. SuperTurtle! Always there when you need him! Just to "round" things out!

  8. I love the turtle. Phyllis, you always think of the best way to help others deal with Sammy's cute face not being in the photo. I pray that you are helped too.
    You and Michael. Much love.