Monday, February 17, 2014

Taking Pictures

In the last 66 days, I have avoided taking pictures of the three kids.

I've taken a lot of pictures (not quite as many as usual, perhaps) -- pictures of Solly, or Solly and Yael, or Yael and David, or David and Yael...okay, you get the idea. Many configurations.

But no pictures where I intentionally put David, Yael and Solomon together and said, "smile for mama's camera." Until Sunday.

I wasn't sure how it would feel...it's not the first time I've taken a picture of these three without Sammy.
April, 2013
May, 2013 - visiting at the hospital
December, 2013 - at Disney World
And it's not the first time I've taken pictures of only three kids, obviously. Once upon a time, Solly was just a twinkle in our eyes....and we had three kids then.
December, 2008 - check out the pacifiers!
May, 2009
April, 2010 - on the Zoo Train in Milwaukee
But it was the first time since he died....and I know there will be so many more pictures. I'm not going to stop taking photos, of course. I can't. I wouldn't. I won't. It's not me.

But a tiny part of me wants to....and yet I know that's not the answer. I have to keep taking pictures, I have to keep letting life go on....

Those new pictures will always look a little empty to me, though.

Sammy is survived by his siblings, David, Yael, and Solomon.

Does it help if I do this...?
 Just a little. It really does.

11 comments:

  1. One very musical bereaved family have described their family choir as "the missing voice."

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  2. I can see Sammy in all three of those beautiful faces, yet feel his absence in all of our broken little hearts. xoxo

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  3. you have a beautiful family, with sammy in all your hearts. many hugs.

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  4. The turtle does help, indeed. Hugs.

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  5. Oh, that little turtle. My heart!

    Your children are beautiful. All of them.

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  6. Yes, the turtle does help. Although it can never fill the hole in so many, many hearts, it does make for a sweet memory. xoxo from NYC.

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  7. SuperTurtle! Always there when you need him! Just to "round" things out!

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  8. I love the turtle. Phyllis, you always think of the best way to help others deal with Sammy's cute face not being in the photo. I pray that you are helped too.
    You and Michael. Much love.

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