Thursday, October 31, 2013

Here - BMT +65

We are here now.
In this place between normal and not-normal.
It's a little strange, really.
Things are far from "normal" for Sam.
But they are mostly "normal" for everyone else.
Which is even stranger for Sam…to know that stuff is swirling all around him.
Sometimes he is too tired to notice -- he is just content to rest on the couch.
But sometimes he notices -- and he is sad, mad, angry, jealous, frustrated.
The switch from central line to PICC is supremely frustrating to him. He hates having the line in his arm.
The constant IV-fluid backpack is irritating to him.
Don't tell anyone, but I let him go trick-or-treating without it. (But it was nearly-pouring rain so there aren't any pictures.)
I think we're all weary.
A year ago Saturday was the day that Sam came home from the hospital for what we believed was the last time. A year ago Saturday we celebrated the end of Sam's treatment.
And here we are, a year later.
He is good. He is really good.
It's just not the same euphoric feeling we had last year, as we started the month of November.
I think we're always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
We are here now.
In this place between normal and not-normal.


  1. We were holding your family in our thoughts as we skipped trick-or-treating in the rain to pick up race packets for the Hot Chocolate 5K...wishing you all well!

  2. My prayers are with you.
    What's "normal?"
    It's so subjective and fluid.

  3. Just read this, and it made me think of you and this quiet, odd space you're occupying at the moment. All my love. xxx

    Sing Praises

    Quiet now.
    Breathe and listen.

    Listen to the prayers in the wind.
    Listen to the joy on the breeze.
    Listen to the hope in the heavens.
    For love and life are yours.
    Holiness and passion remain.
    Wonder and awe
    Shimmer from sunset to sunset.

    This is the moment where love meets joy,
    Where hope meets surrender.

    What is that music?
    What is that radiance?
    What is that yearning?

    Quiet now.
    Breathe and listen.

    Listen to your own voice.
    Listen to your own prayers.

    This is your power and your peace.
    This is your pulse and your heartbeat.
    This is your life.

    Sing praises,
    Sing praises.

  4. Thinking of y'all in this liminal space between normal and not-normal. Continuing to hope and pray for sweet moments and for things to be easy and smooth.