I was totally bummed to still be in the hospital today, day 25. The day we've gone home twice before.
But you know what? Today I got over it.
One of the doctors said to me: "This is NOT evidence of cancer. It is evidence of beat-up bone marrow."
It just needs time. If they are not worried, I resolve not to worry.
(Tomorrow, they're doing a "manual differential" to let the little automatic blood-counting-gerbils have a day off while a human lab tech manually combs through the neutrophils.)
I look around the unit and I know that there are kids who are NOT doing nearly as well as Sam. I know that all over the world there are kids with cancers of all kinds who are miserably sick. I know this. And so I can wait a few more days...to get it right.
So this was our day....
Sam made everyone on the unit giggle as he realized that rolling chairs make perfect racing vehicles.
(There was a little bit of "shouldn't he be wearing a helmet?")
The rest of the day was, again, uneventful. Sam played chess against Bubbie (things I didn't know about my mom - I didn't know she could play chess!) while I slipped off to have a shower and visit the grocery store.
He might be a little bored...or just 6.
|self-portraiture by Sam|
So we sit, snugly ensconced in room E583. And we wait.
And knowing that you're all out there, loving us, makes it all a lot easier.